What is so attractive about power? Why do we crave power at the expense of others? Why are we willing to sacrifice our morals and values for this strange word? Why does power have such a corrupt effect on human beings?
These are all questions I really struggle with on a daily basis. I mean on some level everyone can relate whether it be from the power surge you get when you make a funny joke to the more extreme cases of rape. It disgusts and scares me that human beings are capable of such atrocities. Moreover that I am capable of such atrocities.
I guess what I’m so afraid of is the side of myself, where I feel insecure and fragile and resort to bringing others down to make myself feel more powerful. I hate that side of myself, and that I even posses such a capability. Yet I observe myself doing it day in and day out.
We resort to our selfish ways day in and day out looking for temporary fixes. Temporarily filling these endless pits of self doubt rather than really feeling and expressing the emotions we are feeling. It amazes and saddens me that we as humans find it more comfortable to bring others down than to rise up, or to express the emotions we really feel. I suppose ignorance is bliss, and many people are ignorant to the effect they have on others or the emotions they are bottling inside.
I used to see it all the time on different scales at school. Where kids were constantly bullied and everyone pulled each other down. You see by bringing others down we just create a never ending cycle of insecurities. I mean isn’t that one of the causes for many of the problems we currently face in the world. We are so afraid of our weakness or vulnerability. I guess I am starting to sound rather like Brene Brown.
Instead of uniting through the complete acceptance of our differences we would rather use those differences to make ourselves feel more superior and everyone else inferior. Is that not a root cause of sexism, racism, antisemitism and many of the others ‘ism’s’.
We are all guilty of this just on different scales. I must be honest I’m terrified by the fact that I have that opportunity for evil in my psyche. You know we so often sit on our high horse and look down upon people doing evil. This allows us to neglect that side of ourselves, that side so many people don’t even acknowledge. The part of ourselves hungry for the next power surge, the part that craves power or acceptance as a way to fill a bottomless cup of insecurity.
As a society rather than having weakness and vulnerability praised it is mocked and criticised. I really hope next time instead of bringing someone else when we feel insecure, we can instead look within ourselves and identify the emotion that is causing this reaction or defence mechanism. I believe the best way to improve our interactions with others is to be vulnerable. This will allow us to be less judgemental of ourselves and therefore others and to become more accepting people.
I used to be someone who would shoot birds in my garden and then cook and eat them. This used to be something that would give me immense pleasure. I remember the one day asking myself what is actually so pleasurable about the process of killing an animal. The only answer I could come up with was, the feeling of controlling the life of an animal in your hands, or playing God, gave me immense satisfaction and made me feel extremely powerful.
I struggle to find any other reason as to why it is far more pleasurable shooting an animal and causing it suffering, such a beautiful creature as apposed to target, which has no life attached to it. I feel ashamed that I would be so selfish to cause killing and suffering, so I could feel powerful for a split instinct. That split instinct when I had the power to decide on somethings fate.